The Lies— Part 3: More Lies from Three Licensed Therapists Aboard a U.S. Navy Base to the Inspector General
- Author
- Oct 9, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 11, 2024
Power. Authority. Connections.
The Navy and its therapists take for granted why they have power, authority, connections; and how fragile the connections of something that pays you can be. Your job might be your calling, or something you consider service, but you are paid to do it, and at the end of the day you go home.
Meanwhile, it is my home, my LIFE, I strive to make safe as a result of what someone does “for work.” The Navy Gold Star Program Manager, the NGS Analyst, the NGS Coordinator, the Graphic Designer, the Copywriter, the Communications person who posts to Facebook, they clock out and go home to their life.
The #StateofMaryland Licensed Therapists, Captain Kingsley, the Family Readiness Director in DC, Leslie Gould, VADM Lindsey, et al, and everyone in between— they clock out and go home.
The Navy is grossly and intentionally negligent and responsible for the harm they have caused.
The Lies from Three Licensed Therapists
Recap— in November 2019, I reached out, as the spouse of a Sailor on active duty, to the Fleet and Family Services Center aboard the NAS Patuxent River after losing my second baby nearly halfway through my pregnancy. In February 2022 I submitted a complaint to the Navy Inspector General regarding bullying by the Navy, severe invasions of privacy by the Navy Gold Star Program, and manipulative and unethical therapy. Seventeen months later, July 2023, I learned the results of my complaint. And, it was devastating.
1. In response to my complaint, Treeci, our therapist, asserted the following blatant lie—
ACTUAL FACTS—
I do not now, nor have I ever believed that grief has a clear ending point. I’ve never asserted this, nor had this thought. I never said this in therapy with Treeci, nor is this said overtly or indirectly in my official complaint to the IG. I have never asserted this in conversation, or in my life. I do NOT believe that grief has a clear ending point. Nor have I EVER said that Colter’s grief should have a “clear ending point.”
I HAVE and continue to use phrases such as “actively grieving.” Colter lost his late wife. That does not mean that he is “actively grieving.” I believe and I have always believed, once you experience loss, you have a new emotion in your life, grief.
At the time of our therapy Treeci had been a widow with three young boys for 2.5 years. Colter’s late wife had been dead for 11 years. We were in our sixth year of marriage. We lost two children.
Treeci projected upon me, transferred onto me— what she could say that would make me the villain. I cannot and do not speak for her or my husband. However, given that she said this about me, and it sat with CNIC Navy and Civilian Leadership for 17 months without my knowledge, and was given to the Navy Inspector General and taken as truth, I feel I can offer—
It is Treeci’s power, authority, connections, that give her the ability to assert this unwarranted and unjustified lie regarding MY UNDERSTANDING of grief. I had lost many loved ones prior to our therapy with Treeci, in addition to our two babies, Jack and Adeline.
I believe grief is like lava from a volcano. It can flow at any moment, at any intensity. It can also give rise to beauty, flowers, structures. Life, love, can all rise and fill the dark, porous rock. When the sunlight hits just right, it shines.
Lava can flow at any moment. The beauty is all still there, even as the lava flows.
2. In my complaint I stated that it was unethical that Treeci did not transfer our care to another therapist. In response, Treeci asserted—
(These screenshots were separated by a page break in the Responsive Documents.)
ACTUAL FACTS—
When I called, I was seeking therapy to help with grief, my grief. I never received this.
After bringing up the wrong-doing with the Navy (2021 and into 2022), I received a phone call and email from Gabby, as she introduced herself. She was Treeci’s Supervisor. During our hourlong phone conversation I entrusted her with more details of our therapy sessions than what I provided in writing to the Navy. We discussed confidentiality in therapy. Gabby was surprised that Treeci had not mentioned this conflict of interest or even debriefed Gabby. During our conversation, Gabby very much considered this to not be how she wanted her therapists to behave, and this sentiment was reiterated in the follow-up email Gabby sent to me.
Treeci as she stated in unclear, unspecific (forgive me attorneys) “lawyer speak” above — “I use supervision appropriately to discuss concerns of personal circumstances, transference and countertransference.”
Prior to hearing from me, Gabby was unaware of the entire situation. Therefore, I deduce that Treeci had not discussed this with her Supervisor.
3. Leveraging the same images above, Treeci stated, “My grief is well managed and I am aware of putting the needs of my clients first.”
ACTUAL FACTS—
Treeci states she “is aware of putting the needs of” her clients first. That does not mean the same thing as she puts the needs of her clients first.
Treeci was a widow by legal standards at the time of our therapy. She put Colter’s needs first. We were a couple being seen for therapy, not a widower and his new wife, as the U.S. Navy saw us.
I originally called seeking therapy for myself, to get help with MY GRIEF.
When Treeci said that I couldn’t, that I could only be seen with my Sailor in couple’s counseling, I was caught. I felt trapped. Our house had been tense for a long time, and Colter did not want to spend money on therapy. I was a stay at home Mom. We had recently moved, again. I did not have my own money. I had “our” money, earned by Colter. I sought help, this was free.
Colter agreed to go for me.
There were times where I found Treeci helpful. She was strong, assertive. She confronted Colter on a couple hot button issues. It was helpful to a point. I FEEL strongly that she often let him off the hook at the end. Her pattern was to come down on me. Her actions brought no help, no relief to me, to my home.
Was Treeci transferring onto Colter that if he had ownership in the situation, as the “widower” that there was something wrong with her? I have no idea. I’m not a social worker.
What I do know is that Treeci saw Colter as “A WIDOWER,” and not my husband at the time of our sessions. He wasn’t though. He could not file his taxes with the IRS as a WIDOWER. He no longer received death gratuities from the DoD/Navy because he was MARRIED to me.
To me, Colter was and is MY husband. My spouse. My partner in life.
To our children, Colter is Daddy.
What does the U.S. Navy think?
The Navy seems to think this therapy was fine. Treeci’s Supervisor, changed her stance on everything she said to me by the time her group response was provided to the IG. The Navy has not officially or unofficially attempted to restore anything.
The Navy views Colter as a widower when it works for their marketing, and MARRIED to me when it works for their money. Colter is not paid as a “Widower.”
This sentiment is shared within the ranks of the toxic culture that is seemingly within the Fleet and Family Readiness Program, under CNIC in DC.
With my research, it has become clear that this was not simply bad therapy by a therapist who had this in common with him. It was unethical therapy, that was then hidden, and then lied about to the upper echelon Navy Leaders to include the Navy Inspector General. This dynamic of what “happened after therapy” is indicative of most toxic culture permeating its entire enterprise.
With my research I learned that it wasn’t just “Navy Gold Star Facebook post” that was deleted from the internet— as Ms. Hunter implied in 2021. It has been a systemic, and ongoing harassment of my marriage at the hands of people who work for or serve in the U.S. Navy. Policies are broken, ignored, no one knows the answers that is why the IG was given such terrible responses. That is why CNIC didn’t even manage the process of giving the IG responses with any professionalism.
The U.S. Navy also based on its action believes that it may speak on behalf of Colter, speak for their Sailor, in his own voice, as though he wrote the Navy Gold Star Tribute, without his knowledge or permission, and against his WRITTEN instruction.
Yet, Allison’s parents never asked for that. They filled out a form with a space marked “Spouse.” As I said before, of course they would fill in Colter’s name. When their daughter died, she was married.
IN CONCLUSION
CNO Franchetti said (when she Vice CNO) that death is “unimaginable” to a room full of Navy Gold Star Family Members. This obviously was to empathize with the parents and family members in the room. (I do not speak for them either. ) I do know that the death of a service member cannot and should never be unimaginable to the Navy or the DoD.
The willingness to lay down one’s life for our nation is WHY the REPUTATION of Service Members is revered. Death is why we as a country we honor those who give their life for all of us, by labeling it the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE. Congress declares war and the Department of Defense LEADS us into WAR. Death is anything, but UNIMAGINABLE. Nothing Service Members do on a daily basis is without risk.
DO NOT PUT ON MY FAMILY WHAT THE NAVY/ THE DOD ARE NOT WILLING TO SAY OUT LOUD…but they already have. Over and over again.
A room of family members who lost their loved one in service to our country do not require poetic words. They have survived that worst day of their lives, no matter how painful. They have faced it. They deserve dignity.
The (now) CNO in speaking this way to Survivors— while empathetic did not do justice to the thousands of Service Members in action on behalf of the DoD. This is a fine line.
It is worth examining. There are Service Members on duty today who will not be here next year. This is the weight they carry in daily duties. Do not dishonor their dedication, by lessening the risk to Survivors, to their comrades, to the families of those serving all over the world.
If this basic understanding is not honored, nothing is honored. Nothing can be held as sacred, serious, and no one will be working to prevent deaths. If ego and righteousness are surpassing procedure, ownership, and leadership, please start there.
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