7. A Collective of Grief

Collective grief was a source of comfort in the wake of Allison’s death. It served a purpose. It brought the support of community to a tragedy that felt impossible to believe was true. It brought strength when you were forced to navigate the grieving process.

The tangibility of collective grief faded as mourners returned to their daily lives.

Relationship dynamics changed. Allison’s close girl friends rallied around Colter. Colter wasn’t Allison. Yet her friends clung to him for the past, and he did the same.

Public grief took over almost immediately following her funeral. Aviators rendered their individual contributions for remembrance, while simultaneously participating in Allison’s Facebook Tribute page. It served as a catch-all for old memories, reflections, birthday wishes, love, sadness, sentiments, fundraising, and planning.

As each member chronicled their unique loss, their private grief merging with the public of social media became a new genre— a collective of grief, a collective of remembrance. It had purpose, provided comfort, and told a story, not the whole story, it told the parts of the story that the speaker wanted told. Time would bury the rest.

Facebook’s improved algorithms year after year reminded members when their grief became popular, it also drew in new members. These Facebook practices continue today.

The resulting feed became a sharper and sharper image of itself, and less an image of Allison.

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