8. Embrace the Suck

Embracing the Suck sounds about right— to consciously accept or appreciate something that is extremely unpleasant but unavoidable.

An Aviator shamed me for being alive.

In the moment, I was stunned. I didn’t have a response.

After reluctantly telling this person about the relational aggression I’d experienced from Aviator friends of Allison’s, their response was, “What do you care? You’re alive.”

For a long moment, the comment made me feel ashamed. I trusted this person. They were right. I was alive. What right do I have to be upset?

As I realized it was asinine to find humility in their comment, I was hurt. In reality, this was an imposed thoughtlessness that conflated Allison’s death with the notion that I endure pain to show I’m grateful for being alive.

My being alive has nothing to do with Allison’s death.

To this day I dance around the word “bullied." Relational Aggression is a form of bullying that occurs regardless of you or your actions or whereabouts. I feel uncomfortable saying that I was bullied. These Aviators behaved as bullies, but I didn’t accept it. I rejected it. I ignored it. We ignored it.

Colter and I were in a relationship. We focused on that. We were having the time of our lives— laughing, loving, and carving out our place in this world.

Embracing Colter’s past was easy, it's what made him who he is. Living in his past as other's demanded, was something I would never accept.

We embraced the suck by living in the present, in the today.

The day would come when Commander, Navy Installations Command (CNIC—THE NAVY) would become the bully and I would not ignore it…

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Embrace the Suck

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