10. I’m NOT a Military Spouse

I'm a mama-bear calling out the Navy for it's systemic lack of ethics, broken policies, and flawed social media tale. I'm not a military spouse— the military deserves no credit for me. We are not a military family— the military deserves no credit for my family.

2022 will be the year “Derry Girls,” made me laugh hysterically, hugged my soul, and reminded me to make brave decisions, and go head first into the future.

I’m a Mom who bought a trampoline for our living room at the start of Covid. I make sprinkled donuts appear on bedside tables for morning wake ups. I am direct, honest, and succinct with my children.

I was carrying Everett up the stairs, by the third step Bradley asked from the living room, “How did Everett, like, get out of your body?” I stopped, looked at him, and said through my vagina. He nodded as if I had confirmed his suspicions, and I continued up the stairs.

And, I write this blog.

When Colter has been deployed or away on duty, and someone calls me a military spouse, I take it for the compliment that is intended. The title acknowledges the contributions, responsibilities, duties, and emotions “put on you”— or— you embrace and take on because your spouse serves. Therefore, your family serves.

Presidential proclamation acknowledges that spouses serve alongside their service member. It is an acknowledgment that you are needed.

The Department of Defense recognizes spouses in marketing, in speeches, and in it’s global database, the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS). This system holds all private, personal details of family such as birthdates, wedding date, social security information, addresses, etc… This is referred to as PII.

With our wedding in July 2014, two things changed with regard to the military, Colter, and Allison:

1. Colter‘s death benefits ended as per Navy/ DoD policy he was remarried.

2. Colter was no longer Allison’s “Next of Kin,” as per DoD policy he was remarried. Therefore, he could no longer access to her service records or PII.

Yet, the Navy tracked Colter as Allison’s “Husband” throughout our marriage. They leveraged his PII from our family’s DEERS, removed all remnants of me, Colter’s WIFE, and tracked our moves, our addresses, without his or MY knowledge, so he may serve the Navy in real-time as Allison’s “Husband.” Anyone who saw this would not know he was married to me, had children.

See below and stick with me as I unpack why in the next few posts, as one day I will have to speak directly, honestly, and succinctly with my sons about the ramifications this had for our family.

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